Tuesday, July 1, 2008
How to See if He's the One

Some girls think they know that their guy is the one, but no one is actually sure. Here are some tips and strategies to see if he's the one (and if he's not, to make him the one).

Steps

  1. See if you naturally remember his birthday, your anniversary, and days that are important to him.
  2. Make sure he doesn't pressure you to become intimate before you are ready.
  3. Make note if you compliment him even when he knows he's not looking his best. You may even prefer the "natural" him.
  4. Notice if you tell your friends/family how great he is and if you are excited to introduce him to them.

    • Do you include him in family plans, such as inviting him on your family vacation (or even simply assuming that he will accompany your family without needing an invitation)?
    • Do you want to help him get along with his family, even sticking up for him, because it is important to you that his family like you and you like them?
    • Do you suggest that he call your mother if he needs advice on cooking, cleaning, etc.?
  5. Pay attention if you openly tell him that you love him, even offering qualifiers such as "I love you a lot" or initiating the "I love you more" game.
  6. See if you talk about your future with him without any prompting (e.g. you fantasize about the children you will have together).
  7. See if you want to give him a key to your apartment/house and/or you make a point of telling him that you have never given this key out to any other boyfriend. Express how important it is to you that he feel comfortable in your house.
  8. Make sure you feel comfortable being yourself in front of him. This not only means that you can be that "silly you" that only your close friends or family know. Be sure that you feel comfortable with him seeing you without make-up, without your hair done or after a sweaty workout. Make sure that you feel comfortable using his bathroom.
  9. One way of finding out if he really cares for you is to listen to him when he thinks you're not listening. This doesn't mean follow him around! One day when you are curled up together ask for him to talk you to sleep because you've been finding it hard to sleep and his voice relaxes you. Lie back, relax and pretend to sleep in his arms. He'll yabber about whatever until he thinks your asleep. Sometimes, he'll tell you something while you're asleep that he finds it hard to say whilst you're awake.
  10. Stay away from a guy who is overly controlling. If he frequently tells you what to do or tries to run your life, watch out! This guy is insecure and feels that he has the upper hand in your relationship. "The one" will be secure with you and let you be who you are.


Tips

  • If he proposes to you too soon (e.g., before 1 year), take some time to analyze why he is rushing. If you are inclined to say yes, suggest a long engagement to be sure.
  • Don't give him all of your attention. If he requires all of your attention and gets upset or clingy when you aren't catering to him, recognize this as a red flag.
  • Don't demand that he give you all of his attention. Doing so runs the risk of smothering him and pushing him away.
  • Don't spend too much time together. Having your own separate interests will provide for a more interesting relationship and help you both to maintain healthy, independent identities. If the relationship is right (and healthy), you will feel comfortable and secure in the relationship even when you are apart. You won't feel the need to be clingy.
  • Most importantly, notice what you feel and why. Are you rushing into anything? Is he clingy, or pushy about the future?


Warnings

  • If he won't discuss your future together, even after a significant amount of time together (say a year), he is probably not considering a future.
  • If when you say "I love you tons and tons and tons," he hesitantly replies "Yeah, I love you too," he probably doesn't feel as strongly for you as you do for him.
  • If when you say, "I want to spend my life with you," he questions, "How could you possibly know that?" he probably isn't considering a long-term future with you.
  • If he refuses to include you, at least occasionally, in his plans with the boys or avoids telling you what he and the boys did last night, then he is probably doing something you wouldn't approve of.
  • If he makes major decisions (such as a career change or moving to a new city) without including you, he doesn't consider you to be a permanent part of his life.
  • If he maintains a friendship with his ex, but refuses to respect your boundaries and feelings on the issue, he doesn't consider you to be important enough to modify the relationship with his ex. (But remember, ultimatums aren't the answer!)
  • Notice the way he lives his life. Does it match and/or coincide with what you hope your future will look like? For example, if you recycle and he throws trash out of his car window, is this really going to work?
posted by graxiia na at 8:45 AM | Permalink |


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