Wednesday, October 1, 2008
How to Tame a Free Spirit

How to Tame a Free Spirit

This is a featured article. Click here for more information.
Have you met someone who's fiercely independent, and yearn for their devotion? The key to taming a wild soul is to make him or her feel like they can be freer with you than with anybody else. Here's how to have that free spirit eating out of your hand, willingly and happily.


  1. Get your priorities straight. What do you want most out of the relationship? Think about what your top three expectations are: Commitment? Respect? Honesty? Affection? Companionship? Passion? Security? Stability? A free spirit is not the kind to twist and turn to meet your every need. You'll have to make it simple for them by coming to an understanding of what you want most out of a relationship and asking for that, and nothing else.
  2. Don't sweat the small stuff. Things like punctuality, precautions, and any other kind of minor limit or inhibition will be of no concern to an independent mind. They like to flow through life, following their whims - and this often makes them extremely creative and fascinating individuals, which is what probably attracted you to them in the first place. By imposing dams, as little as they may be, you could very well suffocate the qualities that make this person desirable to you, if you don't manage to scare them off first.
  3. Choose your battles wisely. Don't nitpick. If they're 15 minutes late and you end up missing a movie, roll with the punches and see the next one. But if they're 45 minutes late to pick you up in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood, that's serious. In general, if it doesn't directly threaten the priorities you established in Step 1, then let it go and just enjoy the ride.
  4. Avoid setting rules. Restrictions are like chains, and will send this wild horse running towards the horizon. Instead of saying, "Don't ever cheat on me," say "You'd be a complete idiot to risk losing such an awesome person like me just so you could get a little extra on the side."
  5. Get to know the person inside out. Study their tendencies, their quirks, their deepest desires, and their worst fears. Always be accepting and open-minded. Knowledge is power. The better you know this person, the less you'll feel the need to control them. Moreover, he or she will sense this and feel like you're the only person who truly knows them and thus, the only person they can be their uninhibited selves around. To a free spirit, this is the jackpot.
  6. Give them the benefit of the doubt. A person who values his or her independence will truly test your ability to trust. You need to determine early on whether or not you trust this person, and then trust them completely. Sure, you might get burned, but you also might capture the heart of a person that no one else could touch.
  7. Get in touch with your own free spirit. Don't sit at home, wondering what he or she is doing, or when they're going to call. Get in your car and take a road trip. Visit an old friend. Watch a new movie. Taste a different kind of food. Your free spirit will respect you for it, and feel a sense of kinship with you when you both get home and recount your adventures.
  8. Appreciate their free-spiritedness. The number one condition that all free spirits demand of their relationships is acceptance. If you don't accept the free spirit, the free spirit takes that as an assault on his/her freedom. If you accept them exactly as they are and place no expectations/conditions on them, then they can trust you. And only in trust can a relationship develop. Just remember that independence is something to be appreciated, not just tolerated, you'll be giving a free spirit exactly the kind of nourishment that it needs.


  • If you want something, let it go, and if it's meant to be, he or she will return out of their own free choosing, not because they feel obligated. Sometimes a free spirit needs to prove to itself that it can still fly before it settles down in one place.
  • Don't try to change him or her. This is a classic mistake, in any kind of relationship, but especially when you're dealing with a rugged individual.
  • Give them time to themselves and to their projects. Independent individuals tend to have a burning need to progress alone - sometimes you have to let them go down a path by themselves and just let them know you'll be there for them when they get to the end.


  • Just because you're inviting a free spirit into your life doesn't mean you need to do dangerous things like practice unsafe sex, ride a motorcycle in inclement weather, etc. Not every free spirit is trustworthy, and some just simply cannot be tamed.
  • If you seriously think you can "tame" a free spirit, think again. If you could, you would be destroying the very thing that attracted you in the first place. What you want to do is have the free spirit close to you. Think of it as changing your location (bringing yourself out into the wild) than theirs (bringing them indoors).
  • If all else fails, try to enjoy the free spirit from afar. Support their activities, and communicate that you appreciate their decisions. Sometimes it is hard to be a free spirit, and occasionally some encouragement feels good, even if they are incredibly independent.

posted by graxiia na at 2:38 PM | Permalink |